Thursday, April 22, 2004


Dear dog owners

I’m sitting here in the park, minding my own business. If only your dogs could do the same. It’s not their fault, they just go about their daily business, sniffing turds and other dogs’ bums. Fine, if that’s what floats your boat, but just don’t get me involved.

I’ve just been jumped on by a large labrador. The owner beckoned the dog away once it was too late, but didn’t even think to apologise. He received a “withering” glare, let me tell you. Dog owners are a bit like parents of annoying children in public places. They expect others to be charmed by the behaviour of their appendage. Well no, funnily enough, I don’t really enjoy being launched at by a large slobbering beast (BF excepted of course… *wink*)

Dear clouds

I know you have your role to play in the arena of meteorological phenomena, but why must you always suddenly appear when I’ve finally got my arse off the chair and ventured out to the park? You've been conspicuous by your absence all morning - you were sitting there, lying in wait for when I waltzed out of the door, now weren't you?

Dear bee

Whilst I appreciate your key role in providing me with honey for my crumpets and Lemon and Ginger herbal tea, I’m afraid I’m at a loss to explain why you feel the need to buzz around my head, somewhat annoyingly. My hair has no colourful petals, and there is certainly no nectar lurking within its depths. I’d advise you to concentrate your efforts on more worthwhile pursuits. And no, that doesn’t include bashing yourself against closed windows when the open one is literally inches away…

Dear sun

Ah, there you are. Just a polite request to stay put for a bit, if you’d be so kind. Thanks mate. And while you’re at it, burn some of those clouds away would you? I’ve already had a word, but they have failed to respond to the issues I’ve raised…

Dear World

La Witho has a job. Just a temporary one, doesn’t pay much, not that exciting, admin/reception/PA. But it’s a job and it’s local, and it should be within my capabilities. I have to go in tomorrow morning (my birthday – hint, hint) for a handover, then I start properly on Monday. So nerr…

Love Witho

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