Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Hamming it up

Yesterday, I was writing someone's name down who had the surname "Tatton". Whilst so doing, my colleague was asking me what I was having for lunch. I explained that I was going to have a baguette with cheese and ham.

Instead of "Tatton", I accidentally wrote "Gammon".

Well, it amused me no end...

Monday, June 28, 2004

Le weekend

What? Visiting my sister

Where? Milton Keynes

Why? She and her partner have just bought a new house. Oh, do you mean why Milton Keynes? Well, you'd have to ask her that...

How? By the medium of the horseless carriage

When? Depart Saturday am, return Sunday pm

Whither? Don't try and be clever...

Whence? Look, I've warned you already!

That's enough of that nonsense. Firstly, you may note that I'm blogging of an evening. Not content with leaving me to my own devices this weekend, the Big Fella is also off gallivanting tonight for the Year 11 (that's 5th form in "old money") end of term "Riverboat Cruise" (cue: "Riverboat Cruise? In my day, you had a slap round the chops and a school blouse/shirt covered in the biro-scrawled nonsense of your so-called friends - and that's if you were *lucky*!!!"). Mine is not to reason why, mine is simply to mention it in passing in my blog - so don't start on me, alright?

So, this weekend, I went to Milton Keynes. Yes, one of the few places in the country where the directions to someone's abode could (and did - with no exaggeration) contain the phrase: "at the 12th roundabout...."

It's a funny old place, Keynes (we're not on first name terms yet...). I know of nowhere in this country quite like it. I do like the idea of experimenting with town planning and house building, trying new ideas, but there's something rather sterile about the long, straight, ordered "boulevards" lined with the large modern edifices, bowing to the god of materialism. It's the quaintness, the shambolism, the cobbled-together-ness which makes England the quirky place it so clearly is. Which is why Keynes is just a little, well, odd... but ever one to stay resolutely on the fence: horses for courses - I'm sure some people love it. And there's a TK Maxx, so it can't be all bad...

The journey back down to London, though, was a sharp reminder of how certain parts of the country exist in a kind of shambles just on the very edge of chaos. Ingredients: the M25, the North Circular, the Blackwall Tunnel - with a pinch of torrential rain. Stew for 3 hours in a metal container and you'll end up with a very flustered Witho - with a pressing need for a pee!

Friday, June 25, 2004

While the cat's away...

... the Witho will play at the following:

Here's a meme that I saw over at Jamie's which I've finally had a chance to finish, with Housse over in Jersey fart-arsing about going out for meals generally larking about playing cricket, apparently!

Your favorite song with the name of a city in the title or text

It’s not my favourite, but "Kansas City Milkman" by Level 42 is the first to spring to mind which fulfils the criteria

A song you've listened to repeatedly when you were depressed at some point in your life

"Baby I love you" –Calvin Russell – at the time when my French ex was about to go to the other side of the world to do his military service. Hmmm, that particular fiasco should provide ample material for several blog posts… but you’ll just have to wait for now...

Ever bought an entire album just for one song and wound up disliking everything but that song? Gimme that song

I have bought *so* many albums on the basis of one track, but one that springs to mind is "Free" by Stevie Wonder, from the album "Characters" – to be fair, I haven’t really listened to much of the rest of the album, but what I have heard, I haven’t liked. As for the track in question – it’s the song I’d like played at my funeral…

A great song in a language other than English

"Leïla et les chasseurs" – Francis Cabrel

Your least favourite song on one of your favourite albums of all time

"Call in the night boy" on "It’s my life" by Talk Talk

A song you like by someone you find physically unattractive or otherwise repellent

"Sweet child o’ mine" – Guns ‘n’ Roses. Whilst I admire the usage of " o' " (for reasons unknown even to myself), "Axl" wearing nothing but a pair of red hot pants and a bandana? Naaahhh…

Your favourite song that has expletives in it that's not by Liz Phair

Who is Liz Phair? "Stan" by Eminem – not sure it’s my favourite, but it’s a good ‘un

A song that sounds as if it's by someone British but isn't

I can’t think of anything. Many British acts don’t sound British, as they often sing with an American accent! Nope, you’ve stumped me there…

A song you like (possibly from your past) that took you forever to finally locate a copy of

"Never too much" by Luther Vandross – I scoured the second hand record shop over a long period of time before finally finding it on 12" vinyl.

A song that reminds you of summer but doesn't mention summer at all

"Daydream in blue" – I Monster

A song that sounds to you like being happy feels

"Autumn (Paradise is Free)" – Level 42 - from their early, jazz-funk era

Your favorite song from a non-soundtrack compilation album

"Swollen" – Bent, from Chilled Ibiza - but again, there are many more I could have chosen - I have lots of compilation albums - I think it’s something to do with hitting thirty…

A song that reminds you of high school

"Roses are Red" – The Mac Band featuring the MacCampbell Brothers - any of that 80s soul music - Vandross, O'Neal etc.

A song that reminds you of college

Anything by The Cure

A song you actually like by an artist you otherwise dislike

"Nothing Else Matters" – Metallica (sorry BF, it’s such a cliché, I know…)

A song by a band that features three or more female members

"Walk like an Egyptian" - Bangles

One of the earliest songs that you can remember listening to

"Mr Blue Sky" – Electric Light Orchestra

A song you've been mocked by friends for liking

"Forever and Ever" – Demis Roussos

A really good cover version you think no one else has heard

Erm, struggling here… okay, I’ll just go for a really good cover version shall I? Oh, but I usually prefer the originals… apart from the previously mentioned "Stan" by Eminem which is stacks better than Dildo's [sic] dirge, but it's not really a cover, it's more of a sample... erm, “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley – I *think* that’s a cover… phew…

A song that has helped cheer you up (or empowered you somehow) after a breakup or otherwise difficult situation

"Beyond the Sea" – Bobby Darin

Big shout out...

...to Fluffy, who's done something very brave and very scary, but which is *surely* the right thing for her future and her children... go girl!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Things you used to do without, but now claim that you can't:

I've only just discovered the wonder of the scrolly wheelie thing, and do you know, I'm lovin' it!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

For Swiss Toni...

... schlap this!

Posted by Hello

Readers, I bet you're thinking "what is she on about now?" - and well you might! I meant to post this over a week ago, but at the moment, my blog is running about a week behind real life (see date on photo above - this is just before I worked out how to remove the date stamp). This time next week, I'll be telling you how I had a lovely weekend buying accessories for my laptop, purchasing copious amounts of Baklava and other Turkish delicacies and going to Bluewater with the girls where I bought the dress for the wedding. I'll then go on to a stream of abuse about my current boss who has almost had me in tears on a number of occasions due to her complete lack of respect for most of the people who strive to keep her company going on a day-to-day basis. But for this, you must wait until next week...

Right now I need to tell you about schlapping. "Say what?". Schlapping, I said.

Once upon a time, at [insert company name], I was chatting to Swiss Toni about those marshmallow/biscuit/chocolate coated sweetmeats known as "teacakes". During this conversation, I revealed to Toni that, as a child, my sisters and I had a unique, some might say elaborate, way of eating them. This method would come to be known as "schlapping".

For schlapping, you will need:


Toni was quite taken with this technique, and proceeded to promote its usage throughout [insert company name] (though he was mostly met with sideways glances and people backing away - but hey, he tried!)

Anyway, seeing the above in Lidl made me think of those halcyon days - these particular examples look like a challenge to even the most experienced schlapper - Toni, do you think you're up to it?


Sunday, June 20, 2004

The 'enge

Dear Druids et al

The 'henge probably looked much better last weekend, as the BF and I "wended" our way back from Taunton:

Posted by Hello

Ah well, not to worry, enjoy your solstice anyway

Love Witho

Wednesday, June 16, 2004


At about 5 o'clock this morning, I was awoken by a noise and, in my semi-slumberous (if this isn't a word, it jolly well should be..) state, eyes still shut and mind still wondering: "err, who am I again?" I swore I heard a female voice, which sounded like a tape recording being played through a megaphone, saying:

"Bomb.... bomb.... bomb...."


"Bomb.... bomb.... bomb...."

"What could this mean?" thought I. "Have the terrorists attacks we've been fearing finally arrived in London? Is this it? Should I look out of the window? Oh, and, who am I again?"

Eyes still shut, I heard it again:

"Bomb.... bomb.... bomb...."

"Maybe we should get up. Maybe they are trying to evacuate the building" (they being who exactly Witho?) - I was almost scared to open my eyes, my heart was thumping...

Slowly but surely, rational thought finally took over in my addled brain and I realised that, in fact, the sound could be attributed to some rather noisy crows, cawing outside our open bedroom window...

I sometimes wonder about the workings of my mind...

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Job opportunity

I've applied for a job in Taunton. We haven't got anywhere to live yet, but hey!

There's a School Secretary job going at another school just up the road from Big Fella's. I shall now provide the pros and cons:




Friday, June 11, 2004

Post audio post post

Well, that was exciting wasn't it? I was liking the ease of the audio post, and am waiting for others to follow suit now! I apologise to anyone who couldn't hear it due to work-based network nazis disabling sound (where I used to work, we couldn't look at textamerica moblogs or check webmail accounts - as Tilesey can attest) - my advice to you would be, get a home PC (example below). I will be doing more audio posts, but will try to be a bit less excited next time and say something reasonably coherent...

This has got to be a quickie, as I'm currently in Taunton library and have just one hour to do all my interwebbing! We're here for a long weekend - Big Fella has spent today at the new school, sorting out stuff for the new job with the current head of department. I've been shopping schlepping around trying on shoes sitting about drinking coffee erm, looking for somewhere to rent, although apparently we're too early - I need to come in early to mid July in order to secure somewhere to live for late July. Bums - it would be nice to get it sorted now, but I can see where they're coming from...

Right, gonna to a quick blog dash, but don't expect much from me for the next few days!


Thursday, June 10, 2004

this is an audio post - click to play

Here she is, my lovely new laptop... Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Sneezy pops

Dear Pollen

I appreciate the role you play in the perpetuation of plant species and the employment you provide to any number of bees, flies, birds etc who inadvertently transport you around. I'm just not sure why this has to involve me sneezing up to 20 times consecutively, scratching my watery eyes and feeling that itching sensation in the back of my throat. If you could provide some clarification on this issue, I should be most appreciative.

Love Witho

Me and my blog

As seen chez Fluff, Elsie, Billy and Ray, I have done that Blogging meme thing, but have decided to stick it on my other, less travelled blog - About Witho - as it seemed appropriate and it was quite long so you can pop over and read it at your leisure if you're that way inclined...

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Oh, did I mention...

... I bought one of these at the weekend?

I had gone to Bluewater with the intention of buying shoes and an outfit for a wedding in July. Intention, schmintention! I came back shoeless and outfitless, but with a large "balance" on my credit card... but we do *need* a new computer as the school laptop's days are well and truly numbered!

I haven't "played" with it yet, as if you've read Housse's blog you'll know what I was doing on Sunday evening, and I was still recovering last evening...

Learning points from this experience:

Now, ladies, what should I wear to this wedding? The choices, as far as I can ascertain, are:

Bear in mind that the wedding is in Manchester which, being both in England and up North, is quite likely to be "grim" even in mid-July...

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Yesterday, I are be mostly...

wearing my flower sandals.... Posted by Hello

... and admiring iddie-biddie pineapples in Waitrose... Posted by Hello

Pineapples, eh, what a fruit? With their crazy green fronds and their weird, irksome carapace, they really are out there on their own in the fruit world. But who could resist a lickle baby one? Well, actually I did resist it, I left it on the shelf, knowing that the novelty of such an item would wear off once I'd spent, well, several minutes removing the outer husk and the inner core to leave approximately one pineapple chunk. No sirreee - I like a pineapple, but that one's just silly. Cute, yes, but silly.

The 'stow

Not only did I go back to my hair roots, but yesterday, I also went back to my childhood and took the Big Fella to Walthamstow (that's North East London, terminus of the Victoria Line if you only navigate round London by tube lines - as I do. That's probably why I always feel slightly bewildered in South East London, where there aren't any!).

So, what was I saying? Ah yes, Walthamstow - home of the (happily relatively shortlived) phenomenon that *was* East 17 (the name comes from the postcode, dearie), Teddy Sheringham (he went to school with my brother), a stonking dog track (known as "The Stow"), a very long street market (it used to claim to be the longest in Europe though I'm not sure if that's still true) and most of all, the place where I was born, bred, educated and hoofed out into the big wide world, bless me!

As we picked our way through the plethora of wonderful products available at the International Supermarket (bottom of the High Street, near St James' Street station), we realised that it's this kind of thing, brought about by the diversity that London has to offer, that we'll miss when we escape to the South West...

Friday, June 04, 2004

Elsie and friend Posted by Hello

Bridget and BF Posted by Hello

Bridget Posted by Hello

Elsie Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Zippin' up my boots....

... goin' back to my roots, yeah!

I went to the hairdresser last evening, to attempt to remove the remnants of the Duracell-style (copper-coloured top - geddit?) highlights which were on their way out and were starting to look a bit tired. I've reverted to something closer to my natural (raven-esque - though not quite stygian) colour, and I'm happy with the results.

Almost inevitably, I have some issues with going to the hairdressers, which I shall enumerate for you now (but can I enumerate with a bulleted list or would it have to be a numbered list? Hmmm...):

Hmmm, I think that just about covers that... I daresay I'll think of something else.

We watched Whale Rider last night - I really enjoyed it. It was interesting to note that the Maoris as depicted in the film seemed to be quite chunky characters. At one point, a mother said to her son "eat something, you are so skinny" - yet by our standards, the guy was quite stocky. Different cultures 'n' all that I guess... I wish they prized the chunkier sort over here.

Can you tell I've been feeling a bit lardy lately? I thought I'd got over that...

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Sleepy boggles

Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care,
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great Nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast.

- Shakespeare, Macbeth

Good old Shakey, eh? He's got something to say on most things...

I'm fascinated by sleep. I just love it - sometimes I wish I were awake when I'm asleep just so that I can experience it more fully - how weird is that?

I also like to observe others sleeping - they just look so sweet, innocent and vulnerable. I often wonder what I get up to when I'm asleep. I've never had any reports of snoring, walking, talking or other activities, but I think this is at least partly because, in any given coupledom situation, I'm always the lighter sleeper. I think it would be cool if I was a sleep talker or something... if I can't be interesting when I'm awake, at least I could be when I'm asleep...

I know I woke myself (and the BF) up the other day squealing because I was dreaming about a big beetle (about 3 inches wide by 4 inches long) which was burrowing out of the ground and suddenly it started flying around my head.

The BF amuses me with his nocturnal activities - of which he never has any recollection. I, unfortunately for him, do, and intend to share some of these with you, my dear readers. Please feel free to pop over to his blog and jeer at him...

The other night, I woke up at about 3am and was aware of being grabbed and kissed very passionately by him, after which he muttered something incoherent and slumped back to sleep.

On another occasion, he grabbed hold of me and declared undying love for me, hugged me tight and, again, slumped back to sleep.

A couple of times, I've woken up to find him sitting up on the edge of the bed. On being asked what he's doing, he mutters something and then snuggles back down into bed.

I guess he must be asleep when he's doing these things, which is why he can't remember...

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