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Thursday, September 09, 2004

A year ago today...

(Don't worry, this won't be another long, drawn out story about how I got together with the Big Fella...)

... I published this:

"Must... resist... blogging...

Hmmm, it was only a matter of time I suppose. I've been reading other people's blogs for several months, thoughts oscillating between "this is great, I want to do this!" and "this person's spelling/grammar is appalling!" (pedant that I am...).

The reason I've started this one is that I already have a blog of sorts at work. My colleagues and I send instant messages to eachother via our antiquated green screen e-mail system, and recently mine have taken on a "Bridget Jones' diary"-esque nature. A friend suggested that I should publish my various ramblings as he enjoyed reading them. Admittedly, this particular friend is a complete nutjob, but as Max Ehrmann once said:

"listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story"

So I did, and here I am. Expect nonsense - lots of it..."

Yes, my first ever post, bless me!

A year ago today, I was just embarking on a new relationship, I was living in Southampton while the Big Fella was living in London - we saw each other only at weekends - God, that seems like a long time ago. I was in a job which was slowing sucking the life blood out of me...

For several months, a colleague of mine, Steve "Neveratoss", had been touting his own blog around the office. At first, I thought: "how arrogant, to think that anyone would want to read a website all about oneself!" but at the same time, a part of me wanted to tell my story too. Steve had links to other blogs - as I explored his blogroll, the ones which really captured my imagination were the now defunct Coopblog (a 31 year old single woman getting by in the city - this sounded familiar - when I started reading it, I was single too...) and the legendary Billyworld...

Thanks to Swiss, I discovered how easy it was to set up a blog of my own and, though it took me a while to pluck up the courage, I finally published my first post on 9th September 2003. I didn't tell anyone at first, but a couple of days later, I got an email from Tilesey, another work colleague, addressed to me and Steve, with a link to his new blog. I replied, and attached a link to my own...

Why blog? As I said earlier, I think we all (yes, even the dull and ignorant) have a story to tell, and we go through life wanting to tell that story and wanting to read other people's stories - some of which are spookily similar to our own, some of which are so far removed that we can barely imagine what it must be like to live that life.

To begin with, blogging was my way of passing the time at work. I'm not proud of that - I think the amount of time I was prepared to spend blogging helped me to realise that the fire had really gone out in my so-called career and I had to move on. Trouble is, once you start blogging at that level, it becomes an addiction. I still feel that guilt when I realise how much time I spend staring at the screen, how reliant I am on the validation one can gain from blogging.

Despite the part that my blog now plays in my life, there are people very important to me who are unaware of its existence. My siblings, my closest friends - I've never told them about it. I'm not sure why - nothing I've written on here could upset or hurt them, but something stops me from telling them about it. The Big Fella knows about it, of course. When he first read it, he said "It's just like you talking" and the essence of this blog, I think, is that it is just very me. Whatever's on my mind, however trivial, stupid or muddled, this is my way of trying to make sense of the world in which I live...



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