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Friday, October 29, 2004

Adrenaline Girl!

All these years, I've been going through life thinking I was just an ordinary Witho, much like the hordes of other Withos one sees stumbling through life somewhat clumsily - with the occasional pink hair streak to add "interest" - leaving a trail of discarded cola bottles in their wake. But no, this Witho has a special power which was revealed via a magical "strap-on" loaned to me by someone calling themselves (somewhat enigmatically) "The Doctor" (a.k.a. "GP"). The photo below represents Witho modelling said "strap-on".


Go-go-gadget Witho! Posted by Hello

Note the stylish brown colour of the so-called "cuff" (Her Majesty's finest nylon, I assure you). Just visible, slung jauntily just above the hip, is the on-board super-computer which monitors my special-powers over a 24 hour period. The turquoise wallpaper, however, will not be discussed here... suffice it to say, it wasn't my choice - the house is rented, okay?

"But Witho, please expand on these so-called powers, we beg you!"

Patience, dear reader, patience! I'm coming to that, I assure you.

You see, these Doctors were accusing me of all sorts - notably, raising the mercury level on their ancient pressure gauges *way* above the norm. I told them it was a freak accident caused by the negative vibes in their surgeries and that it wouldn't happen again, but they wouldn't believe me and forced me to wear the above device all day at work, with only a pashmina to protect me from the cruel glare of onlookers. Every hour, on the hour, the device would start to hum (with a sound not unlike a sustained fart - the like of which the Big Fella can only dream about producing) and air would be forced into the nylon cuff until I thought I might explode. Whereupon, a series of mysterious numbers would appear on the Liquid Crystal Display with names such as "Systolic", "Diastolic", "Pulse" - very "sci-fi", I think you'll agree!

I was to deliver the device the following day for analysis and return to the surgery on Friday (that's today in old money) for the verdict - which I shall now present, for your edification.

*ahem*

I am [drum roll] "Adrenaline Girl"! See how my unusually high adrenaline levels cause my blood pressure to soar in stressful situations. In daily life, I am no more than the temp-secretary equivalent of a mild-mannered janitor, but present me with the "Kryptonite" of a Doctor's surgery or a job interview and watch that mercury go through the roof!

Yes, readers, as suspected I do *not* have high blood pressure, but suffer from "white coat syndrome". It's official, and I've seen the little graph that proves it! It took them 3 weeks to tell me what I told them 3 weeks ago - i.e. "I get nervous when I go to the doctor's. I don't normally feel like this..."

Phew!


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