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Monday, April 04, 2005

Fundamental

Why do people at work feel the need to comment on how warm their chair is when someone else has been sitting on it? I mean, what do they expect the warm-bottomed individual to say in response?

"My fundament is indeed not of the cold variety"
"My nether regions are conspicuous by their higher-than-average temperature"
"I do indeed have a hot bot"

My advice to the chair owner on returning to their warmed seat? Just keep it to yourself, it can add no value other than mild embarrassment to the situation.




Another weekend bites the dust. My homies (I'm so "un-street", I don't even know how to spell it!) in Southampton were having a "we've-got-our-bonus-now-let's-blow-most-of-it-on-food-and-booze" soirée, to which I was invited, even though I didn't get the aforementioned bonus because I don't work at [insert old company name] any more. I took the opportunity, though, to jeer at them because I've got a Final Salary pension at [insert new company name] whereas they've got a "subject-to-the-vagaries-of-the-stock-market-might-only-be-worth-50p-when-I-retire" pension. Ha!

I kind of dread going back to Southampton sometimes. I feel I've let them down for not doing something "better" after leaving [insert company name]. I'd like to go there and regale them all with tales of how well I'm doing.

In reality, I've taken a pay-cut of five grand and am still doing pointless things for a pointless company. Admittedly, a paper company is (in my opinion, at least) slightly less pointless than a financial services company - at least its products are tangible. Everyone needs paper at some point or another but it's hard to see why anyone needs an overpriced, complicated pension product.



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