Wednesday, April 06, 2005


Dear fellow motorists on the Southbound M5 this morning

Allow me to apologise profusely for delaying you by approximately 2 seconds this morning as you were obliged, nay forced, to overtake me whilst I travelled along in the nearside lane.

You see, call me old fashioned, but I tend to adjust my driving style somewhat according to the weather conditions. Yes, silly, aren’t I? It may have escaped your notice by its subtlety, but it was raining this morning. Yes, really. Quite hard actually. In fact, torrentially. Visibility was drastically reduced as a result of the spray on the motorway. Yes, and the motorway people thought this could prove dangerous, so put an advisory speed limit of 50 on those highly visible signs – you know, the ones on the central reservation.

I apologise for not being quite as “invincible” as you so clearly are, for not possessing your powers of seeing through the fug of rain and being able to negotiate your way along the motorway at your usual speed. Those extra metres that you’ve gained by tailgating every car you approach must make all the difference. I imagine that you must be so important, so influential in the world that your progress to your workplace must not be hampered by the likes of mere mortals such as myself. I’m sure that if you were even 3 seconds late for your worthwhile job of corporate dogsbody for Messrs Bastard and Wanker, the world would surely implode. I’m sure your family would be delighted to hear that you’d been horrifically injured or killed in a car accident, as long as they knew it was because you were just trying to get to work on time. Yes.

I hope you can find a way in your heart to forgive me for impeding you in this way.

Love Witho

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