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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Van Solo

You know how it is.

You're on a roundabout - a big one with traffic lights on it. You come slowly to a halt. As you wait at the lights, your gaze wanders idly around. You sense movement in the corner of your vision. You turn and fix on the grey van to your right. A young, goatee-bearded man is in the driving seat. Nothing unusual there. Hmmmm, what's that... jiggling? What's he doing in there? It's hard to see exactly, it's a large transit-type van and he's much higher up than you, in your VW Golf.

Hang on, is he...?

You turn away, quickly, as if to clear your mind of what you've just seen.

He's not, is he?

You turn back to the van

He bloody is!
He's "applying the handbrake",
He's "grappling with the gearstick".

You with me?

Yes, really.
He's "bashing the bishop".
And - oh God - I can even see the... er... "mitre"

The lights change and the traffic starts moving. As you take the next exit, the van disappears from view.

You know, the usual Thursday morning rush hour occurrence...



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